I AM a BLACK WOMAN.

I am not one or the other I am both. As a Black woman, all of my exquisiteness is as offended by racism as I am by sexism...then there is also the classism that rears its head based on the racism and the sexism. And Black women seem to be getting pummeled in society by all three! I can say an accelerant for those fires to me is being told not to take it personally. WTH? It is personal!!!

I DO NOT defend the indefensible. So seeing Black women and Black men contribute to the Black woman's destruction makes me passionate enough to ask... what exactly are we trying to accomplish? We assist the mainstream's full blast assault on the Black woman (conveniently after the first Black First Lady) by choosing to publicly and privately tear each other down. No other ethnic group does that!!!! At least not on such a pervasive level. So.... what is our goal because if we destroy the Black Woman...we destroy us all. I can't believe that that is the goal. All human beings have the desire for self preservation, right? Today's society has an overabundance of malice and depraved indifference and unfortunately we have given the okay by our actions to hold ourselves up as "free game" for those who would choose to take a swing. WAKE THE HELL UP!

I am NOT writing this for white America to gain a better understanding of the intricacies of the current relationship between the Black woman and the Black man. This post is strictly for OUR understanding, reflection and acknowledgment that something has to change before it is too late. I love Black people love...which is the reason my main page photo reflects it! That love has to be respectful because when I look in the mirror and I don't love who I am then no one else will. I treat myself the way I want to be treated so that in no way will I ever allow anyone to treat me less than.

Black man... I am your reflection and I will understand all of who you are in a way that no one else can...period. That is not to say that love for someone is bound by the color of ones skin but it is saying that in today's world too many of you have bought into the nonsense that a Black woman is not good enough. Black man... when I pursue my best self (in whatever that may be) that is not a negative for you or towards you; that just means that I'm able to give the best of who I am to you and I have the right to require the same from you. Black man... you WANT me to be intelligent, confident and strong because that means that our family will thrive because of those qualities. Black man... in order to love you in the way that you need, I need to be loved in the way that I need!

Black Woman... being a good woman to a man does not mean sitting back and politely eating shyt with a fork! Dignity and respect are a good thing. Black Woman... loving a man should not mean losing who you are in the process or loving yourself less because the RIGHT MAN does not need or expect you to be less so that he can be more. Black Woman... supporting the Black man does not mean settling for or defending inexcusable behaviors. (Stop that shyt...seriously) Black woman... it is not good to punish a good man for a bad one's behavior. Black woman... owning your sexuality does not mean catering to the male fantasy by putting all the wares on display for the world to see. Black Woman... pursuing your best self AND self-interest is a good thing because it means that you value yourself.

BLACK WOMAN... Despite what current society would have you to think YOU are beautiful and valid in your own right.

Black Women Are Helpmates (If We Choose) Never Doormats!

Race DOES NOT relegate black women to expect less (than any other race of woman) in life!

If you look at some of the articles and blogs here, here and here you would think that we should. (HT to One Chele @ Black 'n Bougie) The black woman's image and character has been so tragically maligned since slavery that a majority of the world feels as if it has the right to label black women as 'less than' so therefore we should want and expect less. What??? I say HELL NO!

Ironically, all women suffer from the same patriarchal 'women are here for our pleasure' society but black women are the most brutalized by it. We have our character assassinated and our bodies objectified and critiqued (by a European standard) on a daily basis in both mainstream society and by black men. This type of treatment is only meant to create insecurity and vulnerability thus making us pliable to ensure culpability with any disrespectful agenda that the mainstream and obviously even some black men dictate. Our varied skin color(s) adds an extra level to the degradation that is inflicted upon us by both society and ourselves. Wouldn't the plantation owners be proud?

This world operates on the premise that men should control everything and therefore they have been allowed to set the standards of what is apropos when it comes to the way women are treated in society. Too many black men believe that black women are just for them to do with as they please and it has destroyed the relationship between black men and black women. In this world, the way the women in a racial group are treated by it's men undoubtedly affects the way that another racial group treats and views them. This is NOT a male bashing post and no I don't think that all men subscribe to this behavior but these are dire times so even one is too many. There is no way in hell that the mainstream would continue treating black women with such contempt and disrespect if black men stood alongside black woman and said enough and started leading by example.

Families being destroyed during slavery created households headed by women that were left with no choice but to find a way to make it in spite of the circumstances. That dynamic generated a strength that has endured in the black culture and no black woman should be ashamed of it. Strength has allowed us to encourage perseverance while enduring the hardships. An education allows all of us the opportunity for better lives and self and black women are no different. Black women want what any woman would want if we choose to share our life with a man--love, family, security and respect. A level of expectation means that you are not willing to accept less than what you think you deserve and there is not a damn thing wrong with black women having that.

Black women and black men need to figure out a way to come together and rebuild a relationship of respect that is rock solid and untouchable. What do you'll think?

Seriously...Love Me or Leave Me Alone!

Black Man...it ISN'T that serious anymore!

Hallelujah...We live in a multicultural world that affords us ALL an opportunity to be with whomever we choose. Just don't try to destroy black women on your way out the door because burning bridges with a community of women that bore you, nurtured you and supported you ain't the way to do it.

Regardless of what the mainstream society may tell you subliminally (or these days down right blatantly) there is no need to put black women down to be better in your life. Doing that is seriously considered slave mentality thinking when you think you have to spit on your own race in order to move up and be accepted in this world. GOD put us all here so that automatically affords us the right to go anywhere and be anything we want in this world. Our ancestors worked hard for our civil rights and black women having to contend with "others" demeaning and maligning us is one thing that we are used to having to fight against but being demeaned and maligned by black men in this society is completely reprehensible. Sorry fellas, no excuse is acceptable

Now before anyone responds about this post being about bashing black men in any way...it is not! This post is about calling on our better selves to do right by each other. We have been through alot together and there is no way we move forward without each other as anchors. I LOVE black men (MEN being the operative word) but there are too many out there that are not standing up for what is right when it comes to the way black women are portrayed or treated by them and others.

So many people are always speaking about black women being so strong and direct when it comes to what we expect for ourselves and from those in our lives but that is a part of our history. It was the only way to keep our families solid. BLACK MEN...you can't have us as your shoulder and your backbone and then expect for us to be less than diligent in ensuring we don't accept less from anyone, most especially you. There is no need for the disdain or animosity towards black women because BLACK WOMEN as I see it...have made this world work for us all not just for ourselves!